“Who Is This Guy”

I arrived for my appointment ready for change. I was eager and willing to work. Following check-in, I was escorted to an office, where I found an older gentleman sitting behind a desk. He welcomed me, with a smile, and asked if I wanted to have a seat, motioning to a chair directly across from him. I sat. Here he was…the one who was going to change it all.

“Brooke, why are you here?” In summary, I shared my recent angry outbursts, disabling anxiety and expressed, “I think I might have OCD”. He took a moment, scanning the room, and segued into a “story”. He began to share, in vivid detail, a previous patient’s private experience. “She would scrub herself , and her boyfriend, down with Windex, before having sex.”. “Brooke, have you ever done something like this? Have you ever cleaned yourself excessively before having sex?”.

I imagine you’re sharing the same thoughts that I had at the time… How does this apply? Why is he talking about sex? Who is this guy? The walls closed in; I felt trapped. Was the session going to be over soon? As he continued talking, I faded into the background, nodding my head occasionally. After what felt like hours, the session ended and I made haste for the door, not stopping to schedule a follow-up appointment.

I analyzed the situation over and over and over again. Was that normal? Did I solicit the conversation? Should I tell someone? Hindsight being 20/20, he made me extremely uncomfortable and I should have reported his behavior. At the time, I just wanted to forget the whole thing happened so, I said nothing and never returned. Unfortunately, this experience deterred me from getting the help I needed.

~Brooke~