Category: The Story
-
“Hi, Damon. It’s Me… Again.”
After an EKG, Echo and labs, the cardiologist concluded, drum roll please… all tests were negative. I did not experience a cardiac event, so what was it? As I ruminated about the situation, obsessively inquiring with Dr. Google, it all kept circling back to a panic attack. Could that really be what happened? The dizziness,…
-
“2016”
2016. As I sit here, preparing myself to embark on the journey of sharing one of the most challenging years of my life, my hands shake, a pit has formed in my stomach and a feeling of uneasiness has come over me. I have not written in two months because thinking of sharing this part…
-
“Discharged.”
Over the next few months, I continued to work through my exposure hierarchy. With hard work and determination, I completed exposures with an anxiety rating of 6/7, on a scale of 0-7. These exposures included “contaminating” the house after touching non-organic fruit, consuming a food item containing Red Dye 40, resisting the urge to seek…
-
“Is that a Light, at the End of the Tunnel?”
After all these years, I finally found it… The Holy Grail! To my extreme surprise, the Exposure Response Prevention (ERP) therapy was working. The exposure of looking at a crooked lampshade in my house and not fixing it, clocked in at an anxiety rating of 4, averaging a 5-7 min trial time. By the week’s…
-
“She Works Hard For The Recovery!”
A Ban Book: A notebook used to track my, daily, submits and resists to compulsions. At the time, my bans included, 1. Info Seeking, 2. Superstitious Behaviors, 3. Checking, 4. Perfecting, 5. Skin Picking, 6. Reassurance Seeking, 7. Avoidance and Distraction and 8. Hand Washing. The expectation was clear. Every time I completed a compulsion,…
-
“Exposure Hierarchy”
I was eager to dive into the treatment plan, with hopes of feeling better. Thankfully, my second appointment quickly arrived. I found my seat at the end of the couch. Damon launched into an explanation of exposure hierarchies. Phew… he wasn’t quitting on me. An exposure hierarchy is a systematic approach to confront feared objects…
-
“Another Couch.”
Ring, Ring… I left a message for the three recommended therapists. The first, was not accepting new patients; he was out. The second, had available appointments in approximately three to four months; he was out. The third, had an opening in a couple weeks; I took it. Third time’s the charm? I could only hope.…
-
“Brain Lock”ed
The obsessions and compulsions continued to get worse. Organizing everything from my closet, to the shoes by the door, to the dirty dishes in the dishwasher, to random items laying out on countertops, all in fear of a loved one dying if I didn’t do it just right. I developed orthorexia, an obsession of healthy…
-
“It’s A Boy!”
Backpacking Europe was a transformative experience. We exited the arrival gate, in Zurich, Switzerland, immersed in a foreign culture. We needed to check-in at our hostel, but were unfamiliar with public transportation and unable to speak the language. From Switzerland, to Germany, to Italy, to Spain, to France, to Belgium and to the Netherlands, we…
-
“Golden State of Mind”
Sold most of our belongings, packed our bags, dog in the car and off we went! West Coast, here we come! Over the next ten days we saw Badlands National Park, Wall Drug, Mt. Rushmore, Yellowstone National Park, Grand Teton National Park, Jackson Hole, Salt Lake City and Lake Tahoe! It was a road trip…
Smashing Stigmas 